Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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