I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
