How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
