You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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