She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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