tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
