is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
