Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
