some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
