Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
