Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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