what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
