So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
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God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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