How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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