I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
