i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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