I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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