And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
