Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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