We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
