I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
