that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
