My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
