Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
