you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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