I feel like abortions should bother me more
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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