If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
