chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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