I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
