maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
