Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
