he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
