I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
