I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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