My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
