So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
