I was born with a shot glass in my hand
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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