i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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