just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have already put on my inside pants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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