Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
