when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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