the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
