You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
