it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
