I just saw a hot homeless man
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
