Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
