He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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