I love black thongs
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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