tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
