my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that's an acceptable place to lick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
