I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
