After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
