i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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