Please, let me fuck your mom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
