Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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