I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
