You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
