Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
