you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
