I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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