i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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