we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
