i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
