I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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