i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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